tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post3961013125645265446..comments2023-10-07T13:11:49.538+01:00Comments on The State Of The Nation UK: Three little words... I am gayStephen Chapmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05856125636247364096noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-62287711746415209752009-08-10T20:45:20.823+01:002009-08-10T20:45:20.823+01:00Hi stephen,
it isnt a lie when u don't tell s...Hi stephen,<br /><br />it isnt a lie when u don't tell strangers all about urself. if u need to feel guilty, feel it only if u think that being gay would make u treat them any differently than if u were heterosexual. <br /><br />isn't that logic simple and practical? <br /><br />We feel it is our duty to give others clarity about ourselves to the extent the occasion requires, but if what u say just provokes ignorant ideas to come into play, why why do it at all?Abhimanyu Veerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18284563526204114979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-21954394411456820882009-05-24T09:06:53.201+01:002009-05-24T09:06:53.201+01:00Same thing for me really - two guys I dont even ha...Same thing for me really - two guys I dont even have contact with now had come out (Christian and Simon) and it really made me consider my position. I did the deed within days!Stephen Chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05856125636247364096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-86817780516173540542009-05-24T02:58:45.631+01:002009-05-24T02:58:45.631+01:00I ran into someone I knew before I came out, someo...I ran into someone I knew before I came out, someone who was out then and who inspired me to come out myself. When I told him that, he was utterly shocked... But it showed me that we have no idea how much of an impact our actions have on others until much later, if ever.Bigghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01142387994755864057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-62685520263195462502009-03-02T04:25:00.000+00:002009-03-02T04:25:00.000+00:00So I haven't read the other comments before mine, ...So I haven't read the other comments before mine, sorry if anything sounds repeated.<BR/><BR/>But perhaps you're being a little hard on yourself. You shouldn't feel like you have to come out to everyone - it's just one part of you. It's not like you have to reveal every detail to everyone.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps you should just come out to people who you're close to. It doesn't sound like you're particularly close to your co-workers or this guy you were talking with, so should it even matter that much? Hard for me to say.Aekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12183623849361560922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-56240006680476085712009-03-01T08:56:00.000+00:002009-03-01T08:56:00.000+00:00I came out when I was still a teen, completely and...I came out when I was still a teen, completely and utterly. I didn't just come out of the closet, I ran head first out of it, with bright neon yellow and orange socks (yes - they were in fashion then!)<BR/><BR/>I said to myself back then, I aint never going back in there, and that's the way it's pretty much stayed. With every job, I've coming out in pretty much the same way as you, just by dropping in to conversation that I go out/seeing/dating/canoodling/snogging/shagging a bloke. It's never been an issue. Although, working at an airline, a holiday company and then radio stations and then back to travel, I was the 'only gay in the village' which must have made it easier.<BR/><BR/>But, when I went to the States, met up with Matt and checked in to the hotel, the receptionist, told me how well I had bought up my son! I just smiled and laughed, I didn't correct her and inform her that he was not, my son, but my boyfriend. I have no idea why I didn't I just didn't.<BR/><BR/>You must do what is right for yourself at work, it's not easy. The way I reason it to myself is, I'm gay, 24/7, I'm not only gay after 5pm and before 9am - or gay only on the weekends, but all the time, and if they don't like it, well tough, we can only change the world one gay at a time.<BR/><BR/>Sorry, I've rambled on for so long now that my beard has gone even greyer!Jason Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04097132229638807046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-13149554908141740562009-02-26T08:43:00.000+00:002009-02-26T08:43:00.000+00:00Hello StephenI stumbled across your blog today and...Hello Stephen<BR/><BR/>I stumbled across your blog today and i find what you say applying to me as well.<BR/><BR/> Like you i am a hard one to spot, untill i was 26 i didnt know what the meaning of fabulous was..<BR/>I like beer, heavy metal music (long hair beards ,beers and flees the whole set)<BR/>I was out with all of my sets of friends even though in my hangouts i always ended up being the only gay in the village.<BR/>I always brought it up when there was a talk about chicks or sex in general.. or whenever my male friends commented on a girls ass i would comment on the hunky waiter even if it shocked them at start they came to terms with it seeign i wasn't shy to make a comment like that, and didnt make a fuss about it.<BR/>And when at work someone made small talk about their girlfriend i would as easily make small talk about my boyfriend.<BR/>But there has been occasions when someone would inquire if i had a girlfriend i would find my self pressed against a wall while trying to utter "I am gay"<BR/>The slight sweaty palms, the shiver in the spine and a set of shaky knees making me feel 16, again coming out for the first time.<BR/>I guess its the everyday brush with other people in the street, the denial of my mother, or the TV homophobes that rekindle that fear of saying "i am gay" to a total stranger.<BR/>Cause those are symptoms of fear.<BR/>And no matter how cool or nonchalant we are about our sexuality we feel there are 3 billion people outhere with a gun pointed at our heads waiting for those 3 words to pull the trigger.<BR/>Or in a lighter/freudian version those 3 words making our mother collapse in tears once more.Phoenix_Erevinoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12188445123161600905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-24255642288124563712009-02-25T19:48:00.000+00:002009-02-25T19:48:00.000+00:00That site is pretty heavy going Daniel! But worth...That site is pretty heavy going Daniel! But worth a read.Stephen Chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05856125636247364096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-69993623284768855482009-02-23T17:05:00.000+00:002009-02-23T17:05:00.000+00:00Sorry, link is here.Sorry, <A HREF="http://advant.blogspot.com/2009/02/pakistan-swat-paradise-in-peril.html" REL="nofollow">link is here.</A>Daniel Hoffmann-Gillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02531802987223516482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-15918562719994068782009-02-23T09:58:00.000+00:002009-02-23T09:58:00.000+00:00Here is the thread where homophobia has been throw...Here is the thread where homophobia has been thrown around left right and centre, it stemmed from Pagan Temple suggesting that gay men fancy him (as a straight) and that they are very promiscuous and think that AIDS/HIV was invented by the government to kill homosexuals.<BR/><BR/>I'd start at the end and read backwards re: comments.<BR/><BR/>135 missives of total bullshit.<BR/><BR/>Peace.Daniel Hoffmann-Gillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02531802987223516482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-38553011287671962152009-02-22T22:01:00.000+00:002009-02-22T22:01:00.000+00:00Daniel - wise words as always. Therefore, you are...Daniel - wise words as always. Therefore, you are an honourary gay boy for the day!Stephen Chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05856125636247364096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-85232306897981448072009-02-22T17:48:00.000+00:002009-02-22T17:48:00.000+00:00As a straight I can't talk about coming out but as...As a straight I can't talk about coming out but as someone with a real distaste for homophobia I can say I'm tired of battling homophobes online who have no issue with bandying around offensive nonsense.Daniel Hoffmann-Gillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02531802987223516482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-46875748823147344732009-02-22T00:43:00.000+00:002009-02-22T00:43:00.000+00:00I'm not sure if any of us every truly arrive at "i...I'm not sure if any of us every truly arrive at "it." The point at which we count ourselves as completely 100% all together. I see myself slip in and out of many things in life....some days being better than others. But in as many ways as I slip "back," I also slip "forward" in many other ways. I'm never embarassed and rarely shy. I'll make a better effort at "I am gay" if you will. Promise.A Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05066992019067893513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-43458440748414653632009-02-21T09:04:00.000+00:002009-02-21T09:04:00.000+00:00I know exactly what you mean. I think everyone in ...I know exactly what you mean. I think everyone in our situation does this from time to time. I am not sure it is just a gay issue though. I think you are allowed to have things that sometimes you just don't want to talk about with everyone. Even when they are quite public. I think you are allowed to choose what you say, and you did not lie. <BR/><BR/>It can create awkwardness, but thats life. Bryn xAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10586610986367102323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-44398452802922432702009-02-20T11:32:00.000+00:002009-02-20T11:32:00.000+00:00It wasn’t until I came out that I realised how unh...It wasn’t until I came out that I realised how unhappy I was with myself. I would set deadlines to tell my parents and those deadlines would pass and that would make me feel even worse. I was living a lie and although I thought I was coping, it was a shit situation and depressing. I had a boyfriend who in the end got fed up with having to sneak around because I had to hide the relationship. Coming out was the best thing I have ever done, even knowing that my dad thinks very little of me, it’s his problem.<BR/><BR/>You dont need to worry about work as you have done the hard part already.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-4240128556001699042009-02-20T09:17:00.000+00:002009-02-20T09:17:00.000+00:00I have recently come out to my close friends and h...I have recently come out to my close friends and have accepted the fact that I'm gay. However, I don't feel the need to go around introducing myself and then telling them "I'm gay." If they find out, then cool. As my friend Barry told me when I was first coming out to my friends, being gay is just another part of me. Like I'm asian, I have black hair, I like TV, I'm gay, I have perfect teeth :P But do I need to broadcast EVERY single thing about me to everyone? not really.<BR/><BR/>So you're a guy that likes beer and football that also happens to be gay. If it comes up in conversation, then ok, let them know. If it doesn't, then no big deal. And I think in the case of you and your new co-worker, I think it's perfectly fine not to have mentioned the pronoun. You're not lying. You're just not sharing every single detail of your life with him. <BR/><BR/>I guess I'm trying to say, don't be so hard on yourself... And sorry if I babbled and didn't make any sense whatsoever.Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05229225894822152950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-48842911609846801372009-02-20T09:03:00.000+00:002009-02-20T09:03:00.000+00:00Hi StephenSo nice of you to stop by my blog. Thank...Hi Stephen<BR/><BR/>So nice of you to stop by my blog. Thank you for your compliments :)<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately coming out is a daily process. There's always someone new to come out to.<BR/><BR/>But I have found that confidence makes a world of difference.<BR/><BR/>When I first came out in a job, I told people in a shy away, almost as if I was apologizing and saying it at the same time.<BR/><BR/>People sense that insecurity and use it against you to be judgmental and critical.<BR/><BR/>So in future jobs, I simply said it as if it were no big deal. I was confident and nonchalant about it. By doing it that way, it made them look stupid if they tried to make a big deal about it.<BR/><BR/>You almost have to say it like it's an afterthought. "Oh yeah, by the way, I like guys."<BR/><BR/>When I did things the old way (being shy and insecure), people had problems with me being gay. But when I approached it with confidence, I never had one problem. And if somebody didn't like it, they never said it to my face.<BR/><BR/>I hope that helps. It was very nice of you to ask me for my feedback on your situation. I hope my advice helps!<BR/><BR/>(On a sidenote, enjoy playing with your foreskin, you lucky guy! haha)<BR/><BR/>Cheers,<BR/><BR/>NathanNathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06716461894091556005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177225541748552284.post-52876252876419590502009-02-20T08:16:00.000+00:002009-02-20T08:16:00.000+00:00Coming out has changed me. It’s weird to say it, b...Coming out has changed me. It’s weird to say it, but it’s true. My confidence has grown and YOU should try to remember back to when you first came out and how you felt – use those feelings to solve this current situation. But remember no-one is forcing you to come out at work, so don’t feel pressured.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com