Thursday, 3 February 2011

The gay questionnaire (repeat post + updated)

Name: Stephen
Country: United Kingdom
Age: 40
How old were you when you first realised you were gay? I think I've always known I was gay and really fancied a couple of guys my age on TV (and at school) when I was about 12. That was a defining moment for me.
Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? Straight. I don't tend to categorise people and would question why anyone would.
Biggest turn on? Porn
Biggest turn off? Fat people
Ever been harassed due to your orientation? No, but I may have been lucky so far.
Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay? Yes - a few guys I used to work with had no issues at all and I thought they might have. In fact, they were very supportive.
What is the worst gay stereotype? Camp guys who think they are being original. I think much of it could be an act.
Are you a stereotype? No I am not. I don't tick many gay boxes at all.
Ever been to a pride rally? No, but might go one day.
Do you go to gay bars? Rarely - in fact, I can't remember the last time.
How old were you when you first told someone you were gay? About 21 - but wish I done it earlier.
Did you plan it? If so, how? I was drunk and it just sort of happened. I said "I like guys"
What made you choose that person to tell? I trusted him and NEEDED to tell someone.
How did you feel? Felt like a weight lifted off my shoulder.
Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them? Yes. An ex-work colleague was very uncomfortable and avoided me from that moment. Sad ****er.

Have you come out to your family? Yes - but way too late. They couldn't have cared less - much to my surprise!
Why did you come out at that point? I had had enough of telling lies and it was getting me down. Also, 2 guys I knew had just come out and their experience helped.
Are you out at work? Not my current place of work, but have been in previous jobs.
If not, why not? I made a decision not to come out and i
n hindsight, this decision was a mistake as again, I am lying to people I like. Not sure I could tell them now.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? It's happened, but I didn't mind - it can be useful actually.
What does being out mean to you? Not having to lie about pretty much everything.

What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Do it as young as you can. Do it face to face if possible, but use email, letter or whatever if you have to.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I would have come out
about age 17/18 and this would have made me far more confident, I have no doubt.


  1. Seems you've had a relatively blessed life up to now. (I too have been comparatively lucky.) Only surprised that you've not yet been to a Pride event. I've been to quite a number, both in London, and nearly every one of the last 20 Brighton Prides. I'd be surprised if you didn't like the experience, which can be really exhilarating - although for me, as I'm always alone, think they can also be the loneliest places in the world.

  2. Enjoyed your answers. Just a fewcomments

    Coming-out - Never understood what that means. When I taught in college a student once said to me 'Everybody knows'. I replied 'Knows what?'. Never felt the need to announce it to anyone. People make assumptions, that's their issue not mine.
    Pride rally - Many years ago I worked part time for the Homosexual Law Reform Society (I had 2 days off mid-week from my job). We got the law changed through information, lobbying and low-key debate. Maybe our tactics were appropriate for the times......
    Gay/straight friends - Always straight, who like me as I am. One for 40 years (known him since he was 20), another 30 years to date (known him since was 15). Third since 8 years ago, we are very very close, despite a huge age difference. I am friends with his mum, and all his friends.
    Sadly been let down too many times by gay people (if labels have to be attached).
    Just to add to any debate your post might generate. Like your blog, keep up the good work.PD.