Some coming out stories

Coming out isn't always about a nervous conversation with someone and as there are some sad stories around, here are some alternatives...

I'm hanging out with my mom. She's asking me about girls. I hesitate.
My plan: To come out to her.
What actually happened: After a long, melodramatic intro into how devastated I'd be if it weren't true that she'd love me no matter what, she replied with a simple: "You're gay right? I already knew that!"

Irritated by repeated warnings from my dad "not to get girls pregnant" while I'm in college, we begin to argue.
My plan: Win the argument.
What actually happened: I didn't plan to come out, but eventually it slipped in my reply: "I won't be getting any girls pregnant because I'm gay."
I guess I won.

Me: I'm gay
Her: Ha ha funny, no you aren't
Her: Wait, you are being serious arent you
Me: Yeah
Her: OMG. but you are still marrying a woman, right?
Me: Ummmmm....no? obviously
Her: No! now you can't have cute little blonde babies! Thats allright, I'll have your babies for you

As a college freshman, I fell in love with a boy, a senior.
My plan: Go to his house and hang out.
What actually happened: I stood in front of him, paralyzed. I kissed him on the forehead and ran out of the house, terrified.
After that: He showed up at my dorm and let's just say he was my first boyfriend.

This guy who visited the Coming Out Group at my university in 1993 came from Czechoslovakia.  We talked about the benefits of "coming out." 
He asked "What do you mean 'to come out'?  You mean TO TELL THE TRUTH!!?"  

R U Coming Out

I came across a website via Twitter called 'R U Coming Out'.  It helps guys come out, if they want to - it's not about pushing guys to come out of the closet, it's all about support and shared experiences.


Coming Out can be a hard thing to do.  It's a complicated process which can cause feelings of confusion, doubt, guilt, shame, excitement, fear, relief and anxiety.  There is no rule book explaining the best way and time to tell your loved ones that you are gay, lesbian or bisexual.  That's because there is no 'right' way or time.  The rucomingout project hopes to become a valuable resource for those who are living life in the closet.  


Take a look - they are providing a worthwhile service.

David Testo

Another professional coming out story emerged yesterday.  David Testo, a recently retired US footballer came out publicly.  Welcome out David!

Former pro soccer player David Testo has only one regret about going public with his homosexuality: He wishes he had done it a long time ago.  “I really do regret not coming out publicly earlier,” the 30-year-old midfielder, who also played with the Vancouver Whitecaps and Richmond Kickers of the USL and Columbus Crew of the MLS, told Radio-Canada.

“It’s like carrying around a secret, you know, and carrying around luggage and just never being allowed to be yourself.”

The North Carolina native said he now feels more confident and mature and is ready to speak publicly about his sexual orientation.

Testo said he had wrestled with making his sexual orientation public for a long time. He added that he was also regrets not thanking his partner as he accepted the team’s most valuable player award in 2009.

“The one person I wanted to thank the most, I couldn’t,” he said. “I just didn’t feel comfortable at the time.”

Testo said his sexual orientation wasn’t a secret among his family, friends or teammates. In the interview, he talked about the difficulty of being a gay athlete, both for himself and his teammates.

Jonathan de Falco

A few months ago, I blogged about the cute and supremely confident Anton Hysen - a professional football who is out and proud.  He's enjoying gay life to the full it seems (via his blog) - appearing in magazines, on radio, lots of TV, film premiers, working with clothes designers, etc etc.  I like the guy and it seems he is really genuine.

With footballers in mind, there is news of another footballer coming out, but this time there is a twist to the story...

A professional footballer has made a new career using his tackle, by becoming a gay porn star. Former Belgian professional footballer Jonathan de Falco, formerly of Racing Mechelen and Oud-Heverlee Leuven, has assumed the name Stany Falcone to follow his dream of becoming a gay porn star.

The 26-year-old told the Antwerp Gazette: "I felt more and more content with who I really was. I had to really go on, but after a conversation with the club, we agreed that I should leave the club earlier and I would change my life. The football world is not ready for gay players. There is too much prejudice and generally low tolerance. Since I was 20 I have been in gay circles, but when I played soccer, nobody noticed anything. If my orientation would have been known, there would have undoubtedly problems."

So I have have been thinking.  There are around 4000 professional footballers in England.  If I use a very conservative 3% gay ratio (the gaytio*), then that means there are 120 closeted guys playing football.  It saddens me to think that there are so many guys who have to live a lie, cant be themselves and ultimately cant be happy. I hope that the experience of Anton Hysen will be positive enough to allow some guys to say "I'm gay, I play football, so what?!".

* Copyright Stephen Chapman 2011

This doesn't help

In the Scottish Sun this week, Scottish cycling champion Graeme Obree, encouraged other gay athletes to stay closeted. Obree, who is now retired, came out in January 2011.  The article said:

I don’t think being gay and an active sportsman is a good thing. While I was competing and in a changing room environment there was no way I would come out. You’d always be worrying if other people were thinking, ‘Is he checking me out?’ There are SPL footballers who are gay, I know that for a fact. But if I was in their position there is no way I would come out. It would be too awkward in the dressing room. You need to be retired first.

I have to say that I don't quite agree that staying closeted and lying to everyone and yourself is ideal for anyone. If a few sportsmen were out, the gay "stigma" would be reduced and after a while, the press would even move on. Being in the closet is stressful enough and doing it in public must be even worse.

I appreciate that Graeme was in a great position to judge whether to have come out, but I am convinced that nothing will change until a few brave guys say: "I am gay, I am a professional sportsman, get over it".  Views???

I've spoken about the ever cute Anton Hysen before who is a bit crazy on his own blog. He is a professional footballer, gay and out.  He seems to be enjoying the whole coming out experience, appearing in magazines and on TV and radio. He says that his team mates have no problem and doesn't care when rival fans shout those oh-so-funny chants from the stands.  Let's end with a picture from Anton's blog from a couple of days ago - he reckons after shaving that he looks 10 years old!

Hangover and out

A quickie blog posting today...

Last night I went out with 2 guys I work closely with - Dan and Adrian. As we cover a large region and drive everywhere, we had all commented that in 3 years we had never really socialised.

So we started at 4.30 in the City with many beers, followed by a curry and even more beers! We learned a lot about each other - it's amazing it took so long.

I got the 12.05am train from Kings Cross, which stopped half way home and we had to wait for ages due to faulty points. I made it home at 1.50am and today feel rather delecate. Thankfully I am "working from home" today.

One significant event for me... I am now OUT at work. Not sure who knows, but I am really pleased that Dan and Adrian now know. It's a weight off my mind... if that's the right cliche to use.  Now to sort out a couple more people I work with sometimes.

Being outed

I've been thinking about a friends recent coming out journey that he has just embarked on. For the record, I am really pleased that he has made the decision and without wishing to sound overly dramatic, he should be proud of himself.

On related topic, and in a Carrie Bradshaw 'Sex and the City' style...  I got to thinking, is it better to be outed than never to be out at all?

Telling someone that you are gay can be tough and as I have said before, I have never found it an easy thing to do. One option that can be good and bad is being outed. I didn't have to tell brother number 2 as he had been told by someone else before I got to him. Job done! I was also outed in my last job to a few people and that meant I didn't have to keep repeating the same thing. Perhaps I should allow it to happen at my current job?

Based on my experiences, my friend could potentially benefit from being outed to certain people and thereby avoiding the awkward questions over and over. This especially works if the person doing the outing has the full story and his blessing. But of course, you lose control and also won't know who has been told. If he is reading this, no I'm not going to out you!

As for my friends overall situation, do I know how this will end?   I do actually.  I know that quite a few people will say "I already knew/suspected" and he will realise that the only thing that changes is a lifting of the weight from his shoulders and a realisation that he should have done it years ago.

Better late than never though.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly #2

The good:

The first professional footballer to come out since Justin Fashinu is the fit and cute 20 year old Anton Hysén who plays for Swedish side Utsiktens BK.

He told Offside magazine: “I am a footballer. And gay. If I perform as a footballer, then I do not think it matters if I like girls or boys."  Good for him.  It made me wonder why we worry about coming out - he has told the world and potentially affected his career.

Let's hope that he is just referred to as "footballer Anton Hysén" rather than "the gay footballer..." in the same way that Will Young is often mentioned as "gay singer Will Young".  It bothers me to see people tagged, but it's bound to happen.

The bad:

The situation in Japan following the massive earthquake and tsunami is all over the TV and rightly so. There have been some shocking images and it's so very sad for so many people. We should think about these things when we moan about the train being 2 minutes late or the price of food being a little higher.  It really doesn't matter.

And the ugly:

Charlie Sheen is just one weird ego filled guy who really believes his inner-hype:
- "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
- "I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’, a total freakin’ rock star from Mars."
- "I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

A comment from anon.

I am sorry that I have only just noticed a comment added to my blog on the Steven Davies coming out posting.  Anonymous wrote:

I am always jealous of people like this. I am 37 years old and completely closeted. I am depressed at the thought of being in the closet for ever. I cant have a relationship for fear of people finding out I am gay, especially my parents and brothers. They would not accept it. And I fear that I have left it so long, that my friends would be unhappy with me for keeping my gay side from them

One night stands dont do it for me any more. Anyone have any suggestions?
 
Based on the limited information above, all I can say is that this is a tough one, I am sure you will agree.  My advice would be twofold: firstly, if you actually want to come out, make a plan and consider all possible outcomes.  Secondly, perhaps consider going to a support group or finding a friend who can support you.  The "problem" will not go away by itself and life is too short to be depressed.  If your friends and family don't have a clue about your sexuality, I would be surprised and you may well find out that they are more accepting than you think.
 
I know people who are closeted in a similar way (at first I thought it was one who had left the comment) - I am sure that it is depressing and must limit their ability to be happy.  I don't intend turning the blog into Ask Stephen as I don't have all of the answers.  I am certainly not a perfect "out and proud" gay man as I am not out at work.
 
I open this one up to my readers...

Steven Davies

In the sports news yesterday morning, details of England drawing a thrilling match with India in the World Cup was followed by news that wicket keeper Steven Davies has come out of the closet.

As I have said before, it's tough coming out, but telling the sporting world that you are gay is a brave decision.  He is one of only a few elite sportsmen to do this.  I don't blame those that stay closeted, especially in football, but I hope that more guys can live without the burden and worry and come out 'easily'. It's really not worth living a lie.

Obviously, Mattie Mitcham is out and proud - and is very vocal about it too.  He's so cool!  Another sportsman that came out recently was rugby player Gareth Thomas.  You could argue that the macho and possibly homophobic world of rugby makes Gareth a real hero. A post from Andrew's blog here explains more.

In a way, I was disappointed not to see the usual puns for Steven Davies - I had expected...

He bats for the other team
He likes to position himself behind the batsman
His favourite view is of the middle stump
He has a firm hold on the bowlers balls
etc etc etc

Anyway - here's to Steven Davies... gay icon!

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Don't forget, in a few days time '5 on the fifth' will be live on the net. Take 5 photographs on the days leading up to the 5th - publish those on your own blog and then add the link to my blog so that others can see your images. You can either take 5 random pictures or follow this months theme which is: LINES.  

If all goes to plan, you will not have to add a comment to include a link to your blog - watch this space for instructions! 

National Coming Out Day

It's the 11th of October. It's also National Coming Out Day.

To all the gay guys who read this blog, is there someone you should have come out to? Perhaps today is the day.

I know I still need to 'do the deed' with some people (I am out to family and friends). Am I brave enough, even after all these years?

UK more liberal on homosexuality

Here's something I heard on the news today... The UK Government has issued the results from the latest British Social Attitudes survey. it shows, among many other areas of life, that public attitudes to gay men and women have changed radically since the first survey was carried out in 1983.

Although we are not there yet, attitudes are definitely more liberal, according to a government-backed survey:

It states that 36% thought homosexual acts were "always" or "mostly" wrong, down from 62% in 1983. This has to be good news, but over a third of people still see gay life as wrong, which is still too high. Though it did go up to around 80% in the mid-eighties, I assume due to AIDS panic. It is worth noting one piece of analysis in the results: half of religious people believe that homosexual sex is always or almost always wrong compared with one in five of non-religious people. So the often hypocritical religious few could be the problem!

And this may be the first time I have ever agreed with a statement linked to The Sun, but... former Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie said: "The reality is that in my days running the Sun if a pop star was suspected of being as homosexual, that was a story. Now the reverse is true. If he is homosexual it's not a story at all. If you go to weddings of your families and friends you expect to see male partners together. I couldn't care a damn what sexuality [people] are".

He also made the point that, as parents and grandparents have younger members of the family coming out and then seeing that they are not different, their wider acceptance follows.

Remember the day and time when I thought an (ex) editor of The Sun made sense! *shudder*

I wonder what the results from other countries would be?

The survey also suggests that our attitudes towards cannabis and single mothers not working have both hardened and that 45% said it made no difference whether a child's parents were married or just living together - up from 38% in 1998.

Here is a link to the Government website if you want to read more.

Another coming out success

A couple of weeks back, I commented on the Ben Rakestrow, the serving soldier who came out to his mates - a courageous guy in many ways. And here is another great coming out story...

A few years ago I used to read an excellent blog called Closetcase written by a guy called Stuart. He decided to stop that blog and these days he Twitters, blogging very rarely. His blog was very good and I was sorry it ended as his humour was/is very much like mine.

During the last few months of Closetcase, the blog seemed to feature more about the worries of being gay and in the closet and less about his life. I am really pleased to say that Stuart has just told his parents that he is gay and now has a boyfriend (which he refers to as "the boy" which sounds a bit controlling, but never mind). For those who are coming out, his story will be familiar.

Like many gay guys (including myself), Stuart found every excuse not to come out and even used the line many of us have relied on: "I will come out when...". If you hear a guy making excuses and maybe getting defensive too, you know that coming out could easily wait until they are 40+ years old unless they decide to do the deed or are outed (which has to be far worse). I appreciate that it's not easy and for me it was stressful, but I'm glad I did it.

I agree that each guy needs to come out when he is ready and comfortable with his own sexuality, but one excuse that rarely stands up, is that they will wait until the right time. There will never be a right time... people and situations are unlikely to change in their favour. So guys have to decide when and how they will come out.

Stuart has found that having a boyfriend has focused his mind and forced him into making the decision. I suppose that, unless you are forced to make a decision (like having a boyfriend that you don't want to hide), you need to force yourself. Just like my story, Stuart's coming out to his parents was an anti-climax. He wont remember, but I once wrote a comment on his blog saying that he needed a plan to come out and he replied: "you don't know what you're talking about, my Dad will never understand". Like most coming out stories, the reality was nothing like we could imagine and his Dad was fine with having a gay son!

This was what I said in the previous blog posting and I stick to it:

To all of you that are coming out to friends and family, my advice is to get on with it. I am guilty of making excuses in the past and even recently but, without doubt, coming out makes life easier. If you are finding reasons not to come out or saying "I'll do it before I am 30" etc, you are never going to do it and you will find more reasons not do come out in the future. You need to make a plan and do it OR decide that you will never tell a specific person and just get on with your life. If you hide behind excuses or timelines, you are just going to stress yourself out. I am trying to be honest with people and I fail sometimes, but being out to my friends and family is more important than I ever thought it could be.

Please remember, each of us has had years to get used to being gay, so we can at least give our parents, brothers and friends the time to get used to the fact that the person they thought they knew is actually a bit more interesting!

I wonder of those who are in the closet and reading this, do you think that people don't suspect you are gay? There will be some that are professionally closeted, but for the majority, questions will have been asked by family and friends. If you think you no-one knows, you are likely to be very surprised and wrong - they are probably just waiting for you to confirm their suspicions.

So to Stuart and all of those who have "done the deed" recently, congratulations - it's a tough thing to do and takes a lot of bravery. I am not as "out" as I would like to be (at work for example) and my progress of being an out gay man is ongoing but as I've said it so many times before, coming out takes a huge stress out of your life.

A special friend

As I type this sitting at my dining room table using my work laptop, I should really be in France, full from the previous evening's meal and looking forward to Christmas shopping today. For the past 7 or 8 years, Pete and I have spent the weekend before Christmas in France buying food, drink and presents. But due to the bad weather in Kent and the Channel Tunnel problems, we are at home and now running dangerously low on wine. And I have a cold coming.

We received a Christmas card from my Mum and Dad yesterday and on the front is says "To our son and his partner". My Mum has taken the time to find a suitable card and that is great, but Pete and I did laugh at the wording a bit. I'm not sure what my parents call Pete: my boyfriend, significant other, the one who corrupted our son, etc?

An in-joke that we have is that Pete is my "special friend" and that comes from an early episode of 6 Feet Under when the mother is arranging a dinner party and asks her gay son:

Ruth: David, are you bringing a... special friend to dinner?
David: Why are my friends always special?
(Pause)
Ruth: Ok then, if you're having sex with anyone, is he coming to dinner?

So what should I call my special friend Pete?!

Following on from the army coming out story last week, the news in the UK broke yesterday that Gareth Thomas is gay. For those who don't know about rugby, Gareth is a former Wales and Lions captain, i.e. he reached the top of the game. Coming out in the army and professional sport takes some balls and make my past failures look really pathetic!

Tomorrow I am off to a speed awareness course, having been caught speeding a few months ago. It looks to me like I am going to lectured for 4 hours as to why I am so evil. Great!

A man in uniform

Two blog entries on one day! Whatever next?! I saw a news story on TV this morning and thought it was worth mentioning.

A 21 year old British soldier called Ben Rakestrow, serving in Afghanistan, is featured in a few newspapers today as the only Out gay guy in the region. I wanted to blog on this topic as I know it's tough to come out and even more so in the environment he is working. He is certainly a brave man in many ways. I love this part of his story...

He told his unit about his sexuality after a trip to a nightclub during pre-deployment training on Salisbury Plain. “The next morning I arrived for the exercise late because we’d had a bit to drink. The lads all asked if we’d had any luck, then at least our late arrival would have been worth it. I just said, ‘His name was Ryan’. Some of their faces dropped and they asked if I was serious. They couldn’t believe it.”

What is great to see is that the newspapers don't go overboard on his sexuality (even the Sun!). A few years ago, such stories would have been littered with innuendo and smutty comments (the Sun is still often guilty of this). The story his all about his courage and his friends. However, the fact that I am commenting on this article at all shows that we have some way to go yet

I hope he gets the support he deserves from his comrades and it appears that he is. He will get some "banter" from his unit, but hopefully in humour and no more than other guys receive. His mates even bought him a pink Zac Efron duvet cover! I somehow couldn't see this happening in the US amry and that concerns me.

To all of you that are coming out to friends and family, my advice is to get on with it. I am guilty of making excuses in the past and even recently but, without doubt, coming out makes life easier. If you are finding reasons not to come out or saying "I'll do it before I am 30" etc, you are never going to do it and you will find more reasons not do come out in the future. You need to make a plan and do it OR decide that you will never tell a specific person and just get on with your life. If you hide behind excuses or timelines, you are just going to stress yourself out. I am trying to be honest with people and I fail sometimes, but being out to my friends and family is more important than I ever thought it could be.

Have a look at this recent blog entry on Crawling Out Of The Closet and I wonder if you agree with me that this guy is very courageous.

Stephen Gately RIP

I have just heard the very sad news that Stephen Gately has died suddenly while of holiday aged 33. He was a singer in an Irish boyband called Boyzone that had success in the 1990's.

Boyzone wasn't really my musically taste, but he was certainly an inspiration to many young gay men and someone I respected. Pete and I even saw him on stage in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

I always thought he was the cute one in Boyzone and when he announced that he was gay, I was surprised and secretly pleased. Despite all of the potential problems that coming out could have caused to his career, he was brave and defied the press that was going to "out" him.

Indirectly, his actions inspired me to sort my own life out and tell my friends and family that I was gay. And from what I have read, he helped many other young gay guys to do the same. When you need to make a big decision such as coming out, role models can be important. The strange thing for me and many others that had no real connection with his music, was that we understood what he had gone through and appreciated what he had done had taken great courage.

Thirty-three years old is far too young an age to die and it's a lesson to all of us who procrastinate, to get out there and enjoy life while we can.

Three little words... I am gay

A couple of days ago, a new person started at work. He was joining me in a meeting on Tuesday and so, as I was driving and due to where he lives, it made sense for him to meet me at my house. When we were leaving, the conversation went something like:

Him: "Are you married?"
Me: "Virtually... as good as"
Him: "What does your other half do?"
Me: "Financial services – travelling around a bit"

I then changed the subject.

I had done something that I used to do and had stopped long ago... I dodged the gay topic and purposefully omitted the word “he”. I should, and would normally have said:

Him: "Are you married?"
Me: "Virtually... as good as – but it's a civil partnership for the likes of us"
Him: "What does your other half do?"
Me: "He works in financial services – travelling around a bit."

I would usually have done this, making it easy for them to see the situation and being honest with myself - so why did I not come clean?

As background: I worked on coming out for a long time. I was comfortable with my sexuality and didn't want to live a lie, so I dealt with it – telling friends and family in a well planned assault! It was a huge weight off my shoulders (if you want the full story, I can bore you with it one day). I cant say that I have ever been that confident in life and saying “I am gay” has never been easy, but I dealt with it. So why do I seem to be struggling with those 3 words again? I thought I had got over it.

I was "out" in my last job and had no problems and it made life so much easier. In fact, considering the number of 20something lads I worked with, me being gay was surprisingly never an issue. I was aided by my fellow gay boys JJ and Andrew which made it a bit easier I suppose. I am not your average gay guy - I don't like Kylie (that's Pete's job), I drink beer and I like football. I don't think I am an easy one to spot! Maybe that's part of the problem and I should camp it up a bit!!!

In my defence, I wasn't planning to come out at work - it's a very big organisation and I don't work closely with many people. I haven't needed to come out and with a few homophobic "jokes" at team meetings, I figured that I would avoid the subject for an easy life. My decision appears to have been a mistake as those people I do work with on a regular basis don't know the real me - a lie is a lie.

I've never been good at bringing "it" up in conversation, but recently telling people I am gay seems to be more difficult. Nothing has changed in my life, so why this mental block? I have no intention of going back to the days of living in the closet as being "out" is far far easier to handle (there is a enough crap to deal with being gay and living in the closet is just one extra piece of stress). So, after thinking that I had dealt with coming out long ago, here I am again having to face up to my own inadequacies. I need make a positive change here, so watch this space... I have a plan to sort this!

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The gay questionnaire

Name: Stephen
Country: United Kingdom
Age: 38
How old were you when you first realised you were gay? I think I've always known I was gay and really fancied a couple of guys my age on TV (and at school) when I was about 12. That was a defining moment for me.

Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? Straight I suppose. I don't tend to categorise people and would question why anyone would.
Biggest turn on? Porn!
Biggest turn off? Fat people
Ever been harassed due to your orientation? No, but I may have been lucky so far.
Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay? Yes - a couple of guys I used to work with had no issues at all and I thought they might have. In fact, they were very supportive.
What is the worst gay stereotype? Camp guys who think they are being original. I think much of it could be an act.

Are you a stereotype? No I am not. I don't tick many gay boxes at all.
Ever been to a pride rally? No, but might go one day.
Do you go to gay bars? Rarely - in fact, I can't remember the last time. I don't see why I would want to limit my choice to gay only bars.
How old were you when you first told someone you were gay? About 20 - but wish I done it earlier.
Did you plan it? If so, how? I was drunk and it just sort of happened. I said "I like guys"
What made you choose that person to tell? I trusted him and NEEDED to tell someone.
How did you feel? Felt like a weight lifted off my shoulder.
Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them? Yes. An ex-work colleague was very uncomfortable and avoided me from that moment. Sad ****er.
Have you come out to your family? Yes - but way too late. They couldn't have cared less - much to my surprise!
Why did you come out at that point? I had had enough of telling lies and it was getting me down. Also, 2 guys I knew had just come out and their experience helped.
Are you out at work? Not my current place of work, but have been in previous jobs.
If not, why not? I am not that close to my colleagues and there's not really been a suitable moment to talk about it. I really don't care one way or the other though.
If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it? It's happened, but I didn't mind - it can be useful actually.
What does being out mean to you? Not having to lie about pretty much everything.
What advice would you give someone wanting to come out? Do it as young as you can.
If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how? I would have come out about age 17/18 and this would have made me far more confident, I have no doubt.

If you want to answer some of these questions yourself or ask me any new questions, feel free to post a comment.

And some humour to end...

Matthew Mitcham - hero/hunk

I don't want to get into too many gay themes on this blog, as I think other people deal with them really well. But one person I would like mention is Matthew Mitcham who recently competed at the Olympics in China.

The Australian 20 year old took part in the 10 metre platform diving and finished FIRST - he happens to be gay. Amazingly, of the 11,028 competitors at the games, only 11 are openly gay. Of those 11, only Matthew is male (no butch Lesbian jokes please).

Do the sums, if 1 in 10 are said to be gay, then a thousand athletes were in the closet at the games. A big topic for another day is gay footballers and the homophobic views in football. But the sums don't work there either - of the 500 or so professionals in the premier league , there are no out gay guys - take a ultra conservative 1 in 20 and you should see 25 gay players. They are there, so I hope to see them able to be come out one day soon.

There are two reasons to mention Matthew specifically - firstly, to celebrate his bravery at coming out. It takes guts to do it, but even more so when you are in the public eye as he already was. The second (and more important) reason, is that it gives me the opportunity to post a picture of an almost naked fit guy on the blog and no-one can accuse me of anything!

Matthew is like many gay men in that, being gay could be said to be the least interesting thing about him. He's an Athlete first and foremost. It's such a shame that despite all the advances, there are still plenty of "famous" people who have to live a lie, let alone the "average" man or woman. There are plenty of bigots around, but coming out stamps on those prejudices.

I have been toying with the idea of collecting coming-out and not-coming-out stories together to hopefully inspire people. Watch this, or another, space.

Well done to Matthew for just doing the deed and then getting on with the more important things in life.