Funnies

For no other reason than I found these funny...

My uncle Cleetus is illiterate and ambidextrous. Which is a double tragedy. He is unable to write, with both hands"

I had a great business plan ... I was going to build bungalows for dwarves ... there was only one tiny flaw ...

If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman knows.
(not sure what the gay version is)

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.